DEAR DR. FLO
By Dr. Flo Gray
Published in the Community Experience magazine.
 www.communityexperience.net
SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO DR. FLO:
Dear Dr. Flo
I wanted to personally thank you again for dissecting some of the common misconceptions about Arabs during your presentation in San Francisco, California. After attending the International Protocol and Etiquette Seminar on cultural awareness, for the very first time since I have moved to America I could see in the faces of some of the participants that they really didn’t have a clue about my culture. Not understanding or making an effort to learn about other cultures can blind us. I just wanted you to know that after attending your seminar I am making a stronger effort to learn more about other cultures, especially the American culture. I am now able to laugh at some of your American jokes; at first I felt stupid only because I didn’t understand. I am sending you a question to your Dear Dr. Flo column about the common misconceptions about Arabs and hope that you will answer it in your column so others can too learn that we are all the same and our differences are in our cultural traits.
~ Abu Ayyoub
Dear Mr. Abu Ayyoub:
Thank you for your kind words and as promised here is a little information about your culture that you have asked me to share with the viewers. First and foremost, most Americans know that not all persons from the Mideast are terrorists; just as we know that not all white men can’t jump ( a little humor). People who are ignorant and do not wish to learn will never change but let’s try to enlighten some of the intelligent members or our society about your beautiful culture.
To be an Arab, is not to come from a particular race or lineage. Like an American, to be an Arab is a cultural trait rather than racial. The Arab world includes Muslims, Christians and Jews. Any person who adopts the Arabic language is typically called an Arab. Arabic is the official and the original language of the Qur’an, the Islamic holy book.
The stereotypes and misconceptions about Arabs that we talked about during the seminar in San Francisco are many and let me try to put some to bed.
- Arabs are a religiously diverse group of people just like Americans.
- The Arab world is a highly developed culture and civilization with modern and ancient cities.
- Just like Americans there are some rich men and some economically challenged.
- The overwhelming majority of Arab people are law abiding citizens with families in a wide range of occupations, also like Americans,
- Not all Arab women are oppressed by men. According to Islam women are supposed to wear veils. In some countries like Lebanon, Syria and Egypt it is not imposed upon them and women are free to choose whether to wear veils or not.
Body language and greetings are very significant in Arab cultures. The body language is distinctly different and must be learned to effectively reinforce the intended message, and perhaps more importantly to not give unintended insults.
Extend your right hand ONLY at the beginning of the greeting and at the end of the visit. Shake hands a bit longer but less firmly than we do in the West. The left hand grasps the elbow. Close friends or colleagues hug and kiss both cheeks upon greeting. During the Hajj (pilgrimage), people may kiss ONLY on the shoulders as a gesture of friendship and greeting. Touching noses together 3 times when greeting is a Bedouin gesture of friendship and respect. Placing a hand on your heart along with a slight bow is a sign of respect. This is usually done during greetings. Americans should limit physical contact to a handshake.
Never shake hands with an Arab women unless she offers her hand first. Never flirt, touch, hug or talk in private with an Arab women. Do not talk in public with an Arab women unless it is business related. Never try to engage a Arab women in conversation unless you have been formally introduced and never ask an Arab questions about his wife or other female members of his family.
Arab men respect the privacy and protect the role of women in Arab societies. Men stand when women enter a room just as most American men do. Different living areas for men and women are respected. Women do not eat or socialize in the same room as men. Many Arabs that have settled in America have developed some of our western norms and made significant modifications to their life-styles to fit in.
The Arab family is the center of everything to the male. The father has first and last word. Honor is very important amongst Arabs and will be protected and defended at all costs. Insults and criticism is taken very seriously. Time is approached in a much more relaxed and slower state than that in Western cultures.
Most Arabs do not share the American concept of personal space. In conversation they tend to talk in your face; it is considered offensive to step or lean away.
Personal Hygiene is extremely important for both spiritually and practical reasons. Meals are frequently eaten by hand; hands are washed before and after eating. Formal washing of the face, hands and forearms is required before daily prayers or fasting.
Arabs are restricted from eating pork. The staple of the Arab diet is dark pita bread and lamb is the most common meat. Alcohol is forbidden. If invited to the home of an Arab family, it is considered rude to decline the offer of a drink (tea and Arabic coffee) is offered as an expression of friendship. Accept the beverage with the RIGHT HAND ONLY! When eating, drinking, offering, or passing use the right hand only! The LEFT HAND is considered UNCLEAN. Not eating everything on the plate is considered a compliment. If invited to dinner leave shortly after dinner. Dinner is the climax of conversation and entertainment. Avoid discussions on political issues, religion, alcohol and male-female relations over dinner or tea.
“All people are the same, it is only their habits that are different”_____Confucius
Protocol Etiquette School of Nevada-Las Vegas
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